I love the smell of napalm in the morning…

Smell that? Do you smell that? I smell a bonfire!!

Yes boys and girls it is that time of the week. It is time to take out the trash and toss the rubbish on the old bonfire.

We have all been there. It is 10 minutes till quitting time and you have not found a single thing to blog about. What will your 5 readers think? Quick man! You have to come up with something, anything to hold their attention. Plus we ALL know you do not blog from home. That is what work is for.

Anyway, without further adieu…

Behold the carnage!

I want to get these two posts over with. They are both good posts that really should not be part of the bonfire. I know crap and you can trust me when I say that these are not crap.

First up is Nikita Demosthenes with the longest love letter to Michael Graham ever written. It is a very in depth post and I think it covers the issue of Michael Graham’s firing better than any other blog I have read. My eyes glazed over about half way through. Yours will too. When that happens, check out the picture of Britney Spears grabbing her hubbies crotch!

Technogypsy has a very well informed post on gun ammunition or something or other. The reason I think it is a good post is because he is very detailed in his coverage of this very important issue. Well, it may be important to some people. My brother in law is an avid deer hunter. He does not trust store bought ammo, so he does his own loads. He has notebooks with detailed records of EVERY shot he has ever taken with EACH of his guns. Sounds like the two of them would get along great. Mental note: call ATF in the AM

Now onto the combustible tender submissions.

Jo from Jo’s Cafe informs us that she is bored. That is all. But in her boredom, she stumbled across the joy that can be the internet. You never know what things you will find in a persons blog roll. Yes, Jo, you are not in Kansas anymore. BTW, follow the link in her post to see the worlds largest blog roll.

This next guy had such a bad week that he submitted two entries to the bonfire. They are from separate blogs, but that does not help him. Andrew Ian Dodge, make sure you say the entire name very fast, while drinking, posted on Dodgeblogium about how bad his alma matter stinks. Yeah we can all feel your pain. Knowing what I know now, I would have skipped going to Georgia Tech and instead gone to Auburn or Southern Tech. I am sure I would have had more fun but that is not important right now. His verdict: “Colby: ripping parents off for 30 years.” zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

He should have stuck with his first entry, but no, he had to top his snoozer about some tiny college in Maine that no one has ever heard of with a geeky post about being in a band and hanging out in public. He posted over on Growing Old Disgracefully about such an event. Nothing says cool better than a bunch of 30 something men with long greasy hair, dressed in black, at a beer pub, playing guitar and singing in public. Makes me want to drop my successful career as an engineer, grow my hair out and hit the road playing my music and baring my soul….I think my engineering gig will pay better though. But just to be safe, remember me when you hit the big time.

Susie over at Practical Penumbra wanted to post just to say that she will not be posting because she does not feel like blogging today. Well, boo-freakin-hoo. Come on Susie, buck up. You must do it for your readers. Think of your readers! What will they do? What will the world do? I have sent a dozen roses. Consider it motivation to continue doing whatever it is that you do.

Elisson from Blog d’Elisson has probably the most disturbing post I have read seen in a long time. When you wake up in cold sweats screaming, you have seen to much. Warning: only read this post if you like looking at hairy, bearded, middle aged, white men, with no shirts, in bed, holding a SpongeBob SquarePants doll. I warned you.

TigerHawk has a long post about nothing. Well it is about some school called “Princeton”. I don’t know, I’ve never heard of it either. Apparently they are about to get some good food establishments in town while at the same time cracking down on juvenile skateboarders. Shrug

Two Dogs from Mean Ol’ Meany has a picture of Joe Elliot celebrating his forty-sixth birthday. Isn’t that one of the dudes from Def Leppard? I thought he was dead. I guess I was wrong.

Peakah from Peakah’s Provocations has one of the three entries that made me laugh out loud. This is supposed to be a bonfire of bad posts, but this one is too funny. She writes about the unlikely pairing of Lee Iacocca and Snoop Dogg to help sell cars. The picture of Snoop decked out in his golf outfit is hilarious! Snoop, you are not the gansta you once were.

Beth writes from My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy that she actually went to bed before midnight! She says: “Noteworthy, yet pathetic, isn’t it?” Well, actually no. As the father of three children ages 5, 3, and 1, I can attest to the need to get to bed at a decent hour. The fact that you posted about it is pathetic, but what is really pathetic is that WunderWife and I routinely hit the sack around 9:30…. you still have a long way to go before you get that bad off.

Ferdinand T. Cat paws at the keyboard at The Conservative Cat about a bunch of computer, networking, stuff I do not understand. He must be the worlds smartest cat. He lost me about half way through the first paragraph. He had better be sharing his income with his owner pet human. If not, I foresee a burlap bag, some twine, and an unfortunate toss off the bridge over the river.

Speaking of cats, Brian J. Noggle drones on and on for a whole 21 words about the meaning of the French word “Chateau”. First off, it’s French, so who gives a flip and second, did I mention the part about it being French? I bet he says “Chateau” with an arrogant accent too.

Harvey over at Bad Example is compensating for something. Why else would he be so excited that a giant hurricane has been named after him? Lets hope that Harvey, the hurricane, fizzles out before its ultimate destination only to be taunted for not being a “real” hurricane.

Filed under the “I couldn’t care less” column, Steve from StevePavlina.com has posted 20 gut wrenchingly boring pages on Life Lessons from Blackjack. Steve, I tried, I really did, but I just could not finish reading your post. About half way into it, my eyes started skipping to the next paragraph. Sorry. I do know one thing, hitting with a 15 is one of the hardest things to do.

Ms. Zanotti from The American Princess desperately wanted to be cool. She wanted to fit in. She wanted to be the first on her block to talk about the “secrete” Federalist Society. Alas, she was just another nameless face in the crowd. Better luck next time. (Hint: if you knew the secrete handshake, you would have gotten an Instalanche.)

It is now time for my favorite part of the show…

Behind curtain number 3 is: I Love Boobies!!!!!!!!!

Well, who doesn’t? Anyway, Don Surber has an entire post dedicated to the effort to commercialize breast milk. Yes you heard that right. He even has celebrity endorsed breast milk. The trick is that you have to guess which celeb the milk comes from based on the name of the product. Funny, yet mildly disturbing.

And the winner for the most sexist, yet humorous post of the week goes to: Chicken Little from Chicken Fried Life. His post dealing with an especially well endowed lady and her quest for customer service is sad, yet true. Show a big pair of boobies in front of a man and he loses all self-control and turns into a snickering 7th grader. Guys, it is time to grow up and to get over this whole breast thing. Sorry, I could hardly write that without laughing! Sure that will happen. Pigs may fly too. At least Chicken Little is honest!

Well, that about does it for this weeks Bonfire. I have enjoyed hosting all your less than perfect posts.

Remember that there are still openings to host upcoming Bonfires. Drop Kevin a line over at Wizbang and he will pencil you in. Trust me, it is worth it.

Upcoming Bonfire Stops

Week 111 (Aug 16) – Technogypsy
Week 112 (Aug 23) – Available
Week 113 (Aug 9) – Available