General @ Monday December 10, 2007 09:13 am by WunderKraut

What Was Wrong With King Size

WunderWife grabbed a bag of M&M’s at the store yesterday. She grabbed the bigger of the two bags. You know, the one labeled “King Size”.

When I saw the bag, I was like all excited and stuff because I love M&M’s. But when I opened the bag I noticed something. The “King Size” label was gone. In its place was some catchy new slogan “Tear ‘n Share Size”.

What
The
Hell?!



Old, beloved King Size bag


Stupid new Tear ‘n Share bag

Tear ‘n share? Why would I want to share my M&M’s?

Look, I buy the bigger bag because I’m a bigger guy and M&M’s help fuel my unhealthy lifestyle. I don’t buy the bigger bag thinking, “You know, I don’t need all these M&M’s. In fact it’s kind of selfish for me to eat the whole bag. Maybe I can share these with a friend.” After sharing we all have a big group hug…

This is probably a byproduct of the “Obesity Epidemic” and the Food Nazis. MasterfoodsUSA (the wonderful people who create such amazing snacks) probably got sued because the “King Size” bags of M&M’s were causing heart attacks and the “victims” were claiming that the packaging was misleading. They didn’t know that there were MORE M&M’s in the bag…no…they thought eating the entire bag would make them a KING. Maybe not literally, but eating the whole bag and washing it down with a 6-pack of Yoo-hoo’s sure makes one feel like a KING.

So, they changed the package labeling, hoping that their new Tear ‘n Share concept would make would be Kings think twice about dumping the whole bag in their mouth at one time. By the way, that is the only way to eat a King Size…oh sorry…Tear ‘n Share bag of M&M’s…open it up and pour the entire bag into your pie hole. Sure you look like a chipmunk and the chocolate running out the sides of your mouth make you look like some kind of chocolate vampire, but the sugar/chocolate buzz is amazing!

Another fun candy to eat in it’s entirety are Skittles. The blending of all the flavors creates heaven on earth. On the plus side, after your lock jaw recovers, your jaw muscles will be strong enough to chew through steel chains.

Maybe I’m making too big a deal about this whole thing, after all, I did share with the WunderKids…so I guess the marketing gimmick worked.

Stupid impressionable brain…

For your information, there are several websites out there by candy wrapper collectors. People collect candy wrappers? Who knew? Eh, everyone needs a hobby. I visited Mike’s Candy Bar Wrapper Page for the two images I used. Go check his site out. That’s one impressive collection of candy wrappers.

16 Responses to “What Was Wrong With King Size”

  1. on 10 Dec 2007 at 9:42 am   Aimee

    I read your blog really fast, like you wrote it on a sugar high…it was alot of fun. This is one of the funny ones. You are definitely on the road to redeeming your raaaaaiiiiillllllrrrroooaaddd blog………….:-)

  2. on 10 Dec 2007 at 12:51 pm   Tracy

    I totally agree… no more railroad blogs puhleeze…..
    loved seeing you guys last night, we really really misss yall!

  3. on 10 Dec 2007 at 1:40 pm   WunderKraut

    Just for that, I’m going to write a 5,000 word railroad essay….

    I’m warning you…don’t push me too far….

  4. on 10 Dec 2007 at 2:46 pm   Hoodlumman

    WK, train operators - should they be called engineers or conductors? Elaborate…

  5. on 10 Dec 2007 at 8:53 pm   Crotalus

    You are the coolest. I thought I was the only one who ate M&Ms that way.

  6. on 10 Dec 2007 at 11:32 pm   WunderKraut

    Hood,

    You bring up a great point.

    I do, in fact, have much to say about railroad titles: Engineer, conductor, fireman, brakeman, trainman, road master, yard master, track supervisor, division superintendent, chief engineer….the list is endless…

  7. on 11 Dec 2007 at 8:47 am   Tracy

    Please guys…don’t encourage him :-)

  8. on 11 Dec 2007 at 10:41 am   Aimee

    Yeah seriously, guys….for the sake of all that is good and holy…refrain from the choo-choo comments and questions. ;-) HA!

  9. on 11 Dec 2007 at 10:42 am   Aimee

    p.s. Hood…you are on my black list!

  10. on 11 Dec 2007 at 11:30 am   WunderKraut

    choo-choo comments?

    Bah!

  11. on 11 Dec 2007 at 11:38 am   Hoodlumman

    Interesting. I’m an engineer and think that I do nothing a train conductor does. I’m just curious where that originated. Do you know?

    Why not something straight-forward like… driver?

  12. on 11 Dec 2007 at 11:38 am   Hoodlumman

    Oh… and:

    WHOO WHOOOOOOOO!!!

  13. on 11 Dec 2007 at 11:45 am   WunderKraut

    Yeah, when I worked for the railroad, I always had to make the distinction that while I was an engineer, I was not the guy who got to drive the trains.

    Inevitably, someone would ask me where I worked and what I did. Before I could elaborate, they would all ask, “Do you get to drive the trains?”

    It’s kind of like when you talk about Indians. Do you mean the dot-dot kind or the small pox kind…

  14. on 11 Dec 2007 at 11:46 am   WunderKraut

    Also, watch your Hood.

    Aimee’s husband is a cop…don’t make him bring you in on some trumped up charges for making me write about the choo-choo too much :-)

  15. on 11 Dec 2007 at 5:47 pm   Hoodlumman

    WK, you mentioned at FIU you were a MOO fan. Can you go way back to the original Railroad Tycoon by Sid Meier? Ever play that one?

    That one just about hooked me on PC games. It’s why I play World of Warcraft about 8 hours a week these days.

    Sid is an evil genius.

  16. on 11 Dec 2007 at 6:40 pm   WunderKraut

    I played Railroad Tycoon back in the day as well. I’m not sure how that works or if it works with newer PC’s.

    I really used to love Sid Meier’s Gettysburg! It was tons of fun.

    I’m pretty much stuck on Call of Duty 2. I’d love the new one COD4, but not sure my system can handle it. It’s a great stress reliever.