There are three things the world needs to be on the lookout for.

Terrorism? Yes, but that is a given.

Communism? Yes, again, that’s a given.

The Trilateral Commission? Get a life…

Ok, this could take awhile, so I’ll just tell you.

I know the world is preoccupied (and rightfully so) with the War on Terror and the global economy, but there are three things that need to be watched. They are the looming threat on the horizon. They are the things Generals worry about at night…

They are:

1. The gathering Pink Flamingo menace
2. Scandi infiltration and indoctrination
3. Garden Gnomes

Last year Australia had enough and struck the first blow for a world free of Garden Gnomes. I know it’s old, but I feel it’s timely to bring it back up, to keep it in the forefront of the American people.

Australian para-military forces launched a full scale raid on Gnomesville, just outside of Perth. The press dubbed it “The Gnomesville Massacre”, but what do they know. It was a swift and brutal attack, but it had to be done.

Amelia sums up my feelings about gnomes and the so called “Gnomesville Massacre” best:

Naturally, Perthians aren’t happy about this senseless mass gnome murder.
“It’s being called the ‘Gnomesville Massacre’,” stated the article.

But I call it a small victory for mankind. Come on, an entire forest full of them? They were probably all in there, just plotting, planning, preparing to find a way to take over Perth. After they did that, they’d multiply like little gremlins and conquer all of Australia. Then, America. And then, before long, they would rule the world.

Clearly, something had to be done.

And I know some people will say “but gnomes are mythical creatures with magical powers!” To that I say: Exactly! They know magic! All the more reason to destroy them!

Amen sister. Amen.

So, let’s keep a sharp eye on that horizon and pray, pray, that our government is doing all they can to counter these gathering threats.

I’m coming for your wife and kids!