I have been meaning to do a post about local hot dog eating establishments across Albany ever since I did the infamous “How To Eat A Burrito” post.

Today I finally did it. Let me tell you, it was a sacrifice of love for you, my loyal reader(s?). See, I am on a diet and well, I had to break said diet to bring you the 411 on all the hot dog goodness in my town.

Shall we begin? Awesome.

There are three main hot dog eatitoriums in Albany: Jimmie’s Hot Dogs, Lil Red Dog House and Hot Dog King.

Read the rest of the review after the jump…come on…you know you want to…don’t make me beg…ok, just a bit…

Have you ever noticed that it seems to be an unwritten rule that says all good local eating establishments must be in either a rundown part of town or in an old, dilapidated building, or both? Yeah, I don’t get it either. But I learned this lesson many years ago while working for the railroad. If you want to know the best place to eat in a small town (any town really), find the most beat up, fire trap looking building…chances are, it will house the best eating establishment in town. Just some free advice…they usually only take cash. So don’t go waltzing in with your fancy, highfalutin VISA check card. I’m just sayin’.

Anyway.

I believe there is only one way to order a hot dog when you are away from home. Now I know this is going to probably start a terrible comment war that will rage for weeks and will most likely end up with someone calling someone a Nazi….so let’s avoid all that and just say that I am right. My blog, I’m right. The only proper way to order a hot dog is with chili, onions and mustard. To make the competition fair, I ordered the same way at all three eateries.

Jimmie’s Hot Dogs:

First on our list is Jimmie’s Hot Dogs. It was founded in 1939 and has been a family run business ever since. Many famous people have stopped by for a visit over the years. Their pictures were on the wall, but I was too lazy to read the names. So, let’s just assume that various Presidents, foreign dignitaries, and the leader of the local Mennonite community have graced this humble establishment.

I ordered two chili dogs with mustard and onions. Some may be saying, “Hey tubby, you only needed one for this post.” Yeah, well, shut up…

The ladies at the counter were very kind and handed me my order in an unmarked brown paper bag.

All three places package their hot dogs the same way, wrapped in thin white paper and placed in an unmarked brown paper bag.

Jimmie’s Hot Dogs are known for two things, being greasy and being bright red. Greasy I can understand, but why bright red? I don’t know.

The hot dog was made to my specifications and smelled wonderful!

Sidebar: Ever notice when you smoke a pipe, cigarette or cigar that the smoke smells heavenly, but if you are not smoking and you enter a room where someone is enjoying said pipe, cigarette or cigar, it smells nasty? Yeah, eating these hot dogs is the same way. Since I was eating these from the comfort of my office, I opened the back door and shut my door to keep the scents from wafting through the rest of the office.

Time for the first bite:

The bun was soft and warm and the hot dog, despite being red, had an ok flavor. It wasn’t bad, it just tasted like any ordinary hot dog. The chili had very little flavor. One could imagine that the meat was beef and one could imagine that it wasn’t boiled cardboard and one could imagine it hadn’t been sitting in a giant pot for 4 weeks. One could imagine such things.

Verdict: It was a pretty good hot dog. The location of the establishment (downtown across from the bus station) and the bright red color of the dogs make this a unique hot dog. Namely because both involve some risk to your life.

Lil Red Dog House:

The Lil Red Dog House is more of your traditional hot dog stand. They see no need to have an air conditioned, enclosed area to order. Nope, they do it the old fashion way. The “old fashion way” means standing on the sidewalk on a very busy street…in the sun/rain.

Once again I ordered two chili dogs with onions and mustard and once again Shut Up!

As expected, the packaging was as expected, which is why you begin a sentence with the words as expected:

As you can tell from these pictures, the chili had much more color than the “chili” on the Jimmie’s Hot Dog.

Time for the first bite:

The bun was tough and stale and the hot dog was an average tasting hot dog. Meh. But the chili! Man it had an actual kick to it. It was very tasty. I had to quickly chow down on the 2nd dog just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. Nope, it was downright tasty, but I was very disappointed with the bun. While the chili had a much better taste, it’s still best not to think about the meat….

Verdict: It was a good hot dog, but the lack of an air-conditioned, covered area to order was a serious drawback. Sure, there was the risk of vagrants at Jimmie’s (bus station remember?), but at least you were inside…at the Lil Red Dog House you have equal chances of a) being approached by a vagrant asking for money b) being approached by the local crack dealer hawking his wares or c) picking up a local prostitute for a fun filled afternoon of penicillin and itchiness. No thanks guys. No really, I just want some hot dogs. Yes I know I stand out like a sore thumb, or mark if you will, but I just want hot dogs. Look, I’m a big man and a big man needs hot dogs to fuel this sexiness. It doesn’t happen on its own you know.

Hot Dog King:

Wow, the name alone makes them have a lot to live up to. This establishment was the nicest of the three. It’s in a newish building with good AC.

This was the last place I stopped at. I ordered ONE, yes one, chili dog with onions and mustard. Why only one? Honestly? I actually felt guilty knowing I was about to eat so many things off of my diet. Guilty for the lack of discipline and guilty for what I was about to do to my stomach…but I digress.

I was totally bummed with my order. They left off the onions!!

Despite the lack of onions, it was time for the first bite.

The bun was soft and warm and the hot dog…wow! It had real flavor. It was by far the most flavorful of the three places. The chili reminded me of Jimmie’s, which again, it’s best not to think too much about it.

Verdict: It was the “cleanest” of all three places. So it’s got that going for it. The hot dog was very tasty, but the lack of onion really cut down on the wow factor. It’s also located adjacent to the largest liquor store in town so if one was prone to that sort of thing, one could have a pretty interesting night. It also felt the “safest” of the three.

Final Thoughts:
One thing all these places have in common is that they are all run and staffed by women. I say this because given the fact that they are located in areas one would not consider especially safe, it was odd to see them working the counters. Now granted, every one of them looked like they could easily kill me in my sleep, with a kitchen knife, while I slept peacefully in the mobile home, but still…

I realized today that I don’t eat enough hot dogs. Oh sure we have them at home and what not, but these were so good and cheap that I think we should order them every time we want hot dogs.

That’s another thing. They are CHEAP!!!! A chili dog with onions and mustard costs $0.98 (including tax) apiece. All in all, 5 hot dogs cost me $4.90. They were worth every penny. But this does raise an interesting question: How do these places stay in business? I mean, unless I am seriously underestimating the hot dog demand in my city, the math doesn’t add up.

Each place had at least 3 people working there. Let’s assume they only make minimum wage and they work 8 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your labor costs would be around $175 per day, just in salaries. That doesn’t include workmans comp insurance and the employers portion of Social security. So, lets make it an even $200 per day.

How much is rent, utilities and food? What is the profit margin on hotdogs? Assuming you made $0.50 per hot dog (after cost of the dog, bun, topping), then that would mean you would have to sell 400 hot dogs per day just to cover you labor costs. That doesn’t include the rent, utilities and profit to make the whole thing worthwhile. Just to cover those things, you are looking at upwards of 800 to 1,000 hot dogs per day. That’s a ton of hot dogs! But they have been in business for a long time, so I guess they make decent enough money at it.

Next time you swing through Albany on your way to…well…anyway…make sure you stop by and eat at one of these fine establishments. If I had to pick, I would say go to Jimmie’s as it has the most character…plus red hot dogs!!!!